I felt blessed chasing my two little daughters in the playground while their giggles filled the whole atmosphere with a divine happiness. It’s been 4 years that I have been blessed with this privilege of motherhood. Since then the journey has been phenomenal. A new direction to life. A new purpose to live more positively and a rejuvenated relationship with my better half.
The day I was told I am expecting I was happy, anxious, nervous everything at once. As a child, I was so fond of kids that in the whole clan if any new born baby was born I wanted to be the first to hold them. So now having my own baby was like I have struck a gold mine. I started imagining the little pink hands, feet, lips, fingers of the little dream which was going to come true.
I had promised myself that I would be a good mother. I have told my unborn baby that I would take good care of her and love her infinitely. Pregnancy was my first stepping stone to motherhood. I already felt responsible for the life inside me. I ate healthy so that she is getting healthy food. I read positive things so that she is charged by positivity all over. By default the aggressive person in me started behaving calm and composed as subconsciously the mother in me wanted to behave good in front of my baby. All the junk food, tea, chocolates and unhealthy stuff was out of the diet and I was totally conscious of what I give my darling.
Morning sickness to me was the sign of my motherhood, the sign of something developing inside me. So I never cribbed about it. Every ultrasound was awaited like the first rain in the desert. The curiosity and pleasure of watching my baby on the screen and hearing her heartbeats made every scan special to me. I still remember the image of my baby sucking her thumb inside the womb. And the wonderful 4 D scan where you are actually looking at your full grown baby. I have stuck all the ultrasound pictures in my daughters scrapbook because those were special and are my first interactions with my baby.
The wait for that first kick and then experiencing it finally, was no less than the feeling of falling in love for the first time. The pampering received by my beloved, the whole family and friends made me feel blessed. There were few weak moments when I felt vulnerable and tired, but the spirit of motherhood never lets you stop. I just needed to chant the Gayatri Mantra and I was guided by the divine power.
There was another guiding power in my pregnancy, my wonderful gynecologist Dr Vidya Desai. I still remember the unending questions of the first time mother in me. And how she answered it with patience and dedication. How the cheerful face of her made the whole experience of pregnancy seemed like a cake walk to me! I knew with her around, my baby is in safe hands. I trusted her blindly.
I have read some hundreds of maternity articles and books in those 9 months. Spoke to thousands of mothers and would be mothers about their experiences. Have tried to ignore the horrid case studies of some and avoided reading the C-section chapters everywhere possible. So the decision of going through a C-section was a horrifying one for me. But I knew I am in good hands, with her expertise and modern technology available, I would recover soon.
So finally I agreed for the C-section and I was operated. The experience was nothing like people have scared me off. Lovely rooms, smiling nurses, well lit operation theaters and friendly support staff made the ordeal look easy. And in less than 15 minutes I heard the sweetest cry of the world. My baby was born!! I was impatient to see the baby, to hold her. I wasn’t bothered that I was operated and my stomach was still open and moved to hold the baby. The operation theater was filled with laughter by this gesture of mine and they understood my eagerness to hold my baby. Wrapped in a soft cloth, my howling baby was brought near me. I said "HI my baby!!" Then what happened was divine!!
My baby for few seconds stopped crying and looked straight into my eyes. A 3.2 kg cotton ball with bright sparkling eyes and pink skin was staring at me as if she knows me. She recognizes my voice. She knows it’s me!! The same mother whom God has assigned for her. Who has spoken to her every day for hours when she was inside. The one who has heard her cries when she was hungry and caressed her when she was restless and kicking. We understood each other well. And she acknowledged that she knows it’s me!!
That was the moment when I understood what it is to be a mother. And why is mother-child relationship the closest of all the relationships on earth!! That day I was on “CLOUD 9” and there is no looking back thereafter…
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